INVISIBLE ROAD SIGNS FOR AN INVISIBLE APPIN VILLAGE
Some time ago the inhabitants of the district of Appin were startled to see signs being erected by council contract workers bearing the legend
Two of these signs were erected, one at the northern approach to Portnacroish and the other at the southern approach to Tynribbie. No one who lives in the district ever heard of APPIN VILLAGE before. Passing tourists stop and ask locals where they are because the name Appin Village does not appear on any road map. But the local folk being quiet unassuming people thought that the council knew what it was about and there had to be an invisible village somewhere in these parts - a kind of Brigadoon perhaps, which appeared at midnight on midsummer's night with everyone wearing kilts, and exclaiming "ooch-aye!" as they say in Hollywood.
But the case of the invisible village has now been compounded by the addition of invisible speed limit signs to the road. The chronology of this strange event goes like this ...
Around 1998-99, discussions took place with the Police and the Scottish Office and various local folk (including the community council). In these discussions the locals expressed their concern about the unsatisfactory state of the road (the A828) through the district, from the bad bend known as the Appin House Bend to where the road leaves Tynribbie beyond the turn off to Kirkton (see the map below). They felt the road was too narrow considering the high speed at which some vehicles travelled on this road. There was also a lack of provision for pedestrians. About one fatality every two years has occurred in the area. 10 in the years 1981-99 - 4 of which were at the Appin House bend. Serious injuries are occur at 3 times that rate and minor injuries are 20 times more common. Those who took part in these discussions were under the impression that the authorities had agreed that something had to be done.
In February 2000 a member of the local community council who was also a professional road engineer prepared a report itemising the dangers and defects of the A828 in this area. Further correspondence took place with officialdom and in November 2000 the Scottish Executive, which is responsible for all trunk roads in Scotland, passed a draft restriction order. This declared an intention to restrict speeds to 40mph, in two areas (corresponding roughly to Portnacroish and Tynribbie). Notices were published in the Oban Times and posted fence posts etc on the road itself. Objections were invited before 14th December 2000. There were no objections.
Folk in Appin were well pleased and awaited the erection of speed limit signs with enthusiasm not least the local lady who pushes her invalid husband along that road in a wheel chair whiles dodging the timber lorries and tour buses - all travelling at high speed. The road in Portnacroish is so narrow two large vehicles cannot pass without one of them stopping and there is no pathway or verge.
And now the plot thickens ...
ie. Absolutely nothing happened. Those who knew something about the way these things work pointed out that little could be expected before the new financial year arrived. But it arrived and passed and still nothing happened.
A phone call from a member of the Community Council to the road contractors Babcock and MacDonald elicited the information that the contract for road maintenance had changed hands on 1st April 2001. The new contractor was a company called BEAR (with offices in Beauly). According to a report by the "Banffshire Herald" dated March 30th, BEAR stands for "Babtie Enstone Thistle and Ringway" and it is a consortium of consulting engineers and contractors. The Scottish Executive has awarded the contract for the maintenance of 75% of Scottish trunk roads to this company for a 5 year period. Since April 1st large sign posts have been erected on many major roads announcing BEAR as our roads saviours.
And so a phone call was placed to the offices of BEAR on this matter of the speed limit signs in Appin. The response went something like this ...
"Er ... What speed limit signs?
A return call was promised but no contact was made until our bold community council tried again. This time the existence of the speed restriction order was acknowledged. The BEAR spokeperson, however, was quite upbeat and said that an engineer would be on his way to Appin very soon to inspect the speed limit signs and to take the black plastic covers off to reveal them in their full glory.
Take a look at the picture above. Do you see any speed limit signs (with or without black plastic covers)? The spokesperson on the phone was reluctant to believe that there were no signs. Phone calls to the Scottish Executive got exactly the same response. It appears that officialdom everywhere believes that the contract for erecting the speed limit signs in Appin has been fulfilled.
We await further developments. In the meantime I'd be glad if residents in Appin Ontario and Appin New South Wales would take a look out of their windows and email me if some strange British 40mph speed limit signs have appeared in their neighbourhood. Failing that, midsummer's night having just past, we may have to wait a whole year for the Brigadoon Appin Village to put in an appearance so that we can check for speed limit signs. What with pink lighthouses and disappearing sign posts we're all getting rather confused here in Appin (Appin, Argyll, Scotland, BEAR and those Scottish Executive people, please note.)
And while they're at it, The Scottish Executive might note well this example of commercial efficiency when the next round of contract allocations comes due.
Copyright © Hugh Noble (June 30th 2001)
FOOTNOTE: I wanted to contact BEAR to tell them about this web page and to invite some comment from them. So I phoned the number given on one of those road-side signs.
As might have been expected I got a recorded voice telling me the various options. I pressed "1" for North West and got a number unobtainable tone. So I dialed again and pressed "5" for "if you don't know which region you are in" and got a man who said he had nothing to do with BEAR and he knew nothing about it anyway and where was I speaking from. I said "Argyll" and he said "so you're in the North East then". That's not a typing mistake. He said "EAST". But he gave me a number which I could use to contact BEAR. So I dialed that number (which I was surprised to see was a Glasgow number) and got a polite lady who said she had nothing to do with BEAR and knew nothing at all about roads in Argyll and here was a number I could use to contact BEAR. I called that number and got a lady who did admit to working for BEAR. In case any reader wants to use it, it is ...
It's nice to know that these big signs which have appeared everywhere carry such useful information. Now if the men who put them up so quickly and efficiently (obliterating big chunks of the landscape in the process) could just get around to putting up a few speed limit signs ...