MOUNTAIN CRAFT and GEAR
for SENIOR CITIZENS
A manual of crafty dodges
for senile mountaineers
INTRODUCTION
The movement of tectonic plates which shaped the continents has not ceased. Even as you read these words the insidious and stealthy crumpling of the earth’s crust which built the Alps, The Rockies, The Andies, The Himalayas, Ben An and sundry other raised-up places, continues apace. Tomorrow, the mountain which you climbed some years ago, with such ease and joy, will be a little bit higher, it’s majestic flanks will be steeper and the distance between one step and the next will have stretched. You’ve noticed? Me too.
The trouble is, not everyone has noticed. Extreme youth seems to inflict upon its sufferers an inability to detect such creeping changes. They say that a crab can see the movement of the stars. It’s like that. You and I have these enhanced perceptions which come (along with wisdom) as we accumulate experience.
It is best, I find, not to bore young people with these observations. They are impatient of offered advice. They seem addicted to noise but not when the noise comes from anyone over the age of ... well ... let’s just say “of a certain age”. Utter the words "Why I can remember ..." and they instantly begin miming the playing of violins. Try telling them, while sucking on your cheroot and sipping on your single malt, that cannabis is bad for them and that they will, in the long run, suffer for their uncontrolled indulgence, and they will simply laugh. They won’t believe you. They are indifferent to the proven fact that cannabis, taken over many years, addles your brain, dulls your short term memory and ... sorry ... I’ve lost the thread of what I was ... wait a minute ... I’ll go back to where I was before .... and ... ah yes ... we were talking about mountaineering.
Well ... anyway
... To maintain appearances and to reach the peak of your choice while remaining within shouting distance of the party you set off with in the morning, it is necessary to use every advantage you have. So this little book is for you. In it you will find techniques for constructing a belay using a zimmer, for crossing wet places in carpet slippers, for enjoying a good night’s sleep when everyone else is stretched sleepless on hard boards and many other gems of technical advice. In short, you will learn low cunning for high places (as someone might have said about the art of politics).
The book is in two parts. Part 1, which is called "CRAFT" is concerned with stratagems and techniques for achieving summits with minimal effort and maximum kudos. Part 2 which is called GEAR". It is a catalogue of helpful products which may open your eyes to the wider possibilities.
So good luck in your old age. Do carry on striving and seeking, and whatever you do DON'T YIELD.
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