COMPASSES

Route finding is one aspect of mountain craft where the senior citizen has a distinct advantage over the rest of his/her companions, particularly if he does not tell his companions he has been that way before. (NOTE: by using the male gender marked term "he" we wish no disrespect to those of the female gender*). Map reading, taking compass bearings and generally making an impression with route craft, requires no physical prowess. The superiority of the senior citizen is further enhanced if he has equipped himself with one or more items from the Tartan Hen range of route finding equipment.

[*] would a woman be so sneaky?



A- The Mystery Tour. - Mounted on clear scratch-resistant plastic this closely resembles a well-known make of wayfaring compass. It is, therefore, ideal for those who like the experience of making unexpected discoveries (or for lending to a companion who is trying to impress the female members of the group with his map reading prowess).

B - The Bushcraftman's Friend. - Combined compass/clock. This compass is extremely easy to use. Simply point the hour hand at half-past two and half between that and the sun is quarter to six.

C - The Sinatra. - The needle on this compass is driven by quartz precision clockwork (accurate to half a second in a million years). It therefore ensures that you will arrive at the same place over and over again. The miracle of microprocessor technology also allows it to be programmed to play "I did it my way" every time. Optionally only the melody is played to provide scope for its owner to do an impersonation of Ol' Blue Eyes.

D - The Boris Yeltsin - This compass is outwardly indistinguishable from a conventional prismatic compass but instead of methyl alcohol the needle is floating in pure 110% vodka thus ensuring the ready availability of a quick stiffner in your hour of need.

E - Methuselah's Revenge (NOT ILLUSTRATED). The Revenge Compass, like the Yeltsin, looks exactly like a normal prismatic. It has, however, an integral radio receiver which is tuned to the same frequency as the companion transmitter. Plant the Revenge on a hated (ie younger) companion and when the button on the transmitter is pressed, the Revenge compass will point due South. The effective range is five miles and so you can still operate the Revenge when you have been sent back to the car for being too slow. (see also the ELECTRONIC AIDS for the latest space-age solutions to your route finding problems.)